Letting Go
by CaptainBri-Mazing
Summary: One-shot for 7x10 The Bittersweet Science. Not a slash, but what Spencer and Hotch could've been thinking at the end of the episode. Friendship fic


Alright, getting back in the swing of things. Now that the season is over, I'm going back and looking over the episodes I missed and writing one-shots for them accordingly. This one is a little on the sad side, but to be fair, it was a sad episode. This one is for 7x10 The Bittersweet Science.

I don't own CM. Please read and review.

* * *

Spencer Reid hates hospitals. A lot as a matter of fact. He wasn't a fan of them as a kid but since joining the FBI, his dislike slowly turned into severe dislike. He's seen the inside of several them more than he'd care to admit, but the events of the last year turned that dislike into downright hate. Sitting in the plastic chair across from Hotch, he can't help but think about the last time he was in a hospital waiting room hoping Emily was going to make it, only to have JJ tell him Emily was dead.

He bows his head for a second taking in a deep breath. It shouldn't matter anymore – Emily was alive and he and JJ had worked through it. It had been a couple of months, but they moved forward and were happy. He lifts his head, propping it up on his right hand and slowly shaking his foot back and forth. He looks over at Hotch, who is standing still, hands in his pockets and not saying a word. If Spencer hated hospitals, then Hotch loathed them.

CM

Aaron Hotchner does not like hospitals. He doesn't like the smell of death and disinfectant; he doesn't like the white walls and constant beeps and he doesn't like . . . the memories. Some of the worse moments of his life happened in a hospital. Waking up and remembering Foyet's attack. Being told that Emily was . . . dead. Only not really, everyone just needed to think it. But it was worse for Hotch because it was there that Emily needed him the most, needed him to comfort her and tell her everything was going to be fine and he would protect her.

But he couldn't.

Instead he had to watch her walk out of his life, never knowing if he was ever going to see her again. Eight months he endured a broken heart and the fear that he'd never see her again, that she would really die and he would have to tell Jack that yet another mother-figure died and he couldn't save her.

Hotch shakes his head trying to dislodge the thoughts. Emily was fine. She was alive and they were together; he and Jack and Emily were a family and that was all that mattered. The door opens and Hotch sees the doctor come through them. Spencer sees her too and gets up. "How is he?"

* * *

Hotch doesn't realize how sick Ryan is until he enters the room, pushing Jimmy in front of him. The little boy is pale and weak and Hotch can see that he is barely holding on. He can't image being in Jimmy's shoes, helpless as he watches his little boy wither and die right before his eyes. If Jack was lying in that bed, weak and on death's door, he didn't think he could be as strong as Jimmy.

"Letting go doesn't mean you're a quitter. It doesn't mean that you lost. It just means that you realize in that moment that it's time to let go and move on." Jimmy's shaky inhale and exhale showed just near the brink he was. Hotch looks down, tears in his eyes. He can easily see Jack in the place of Ryan and it almost kills him. Hearing the long beep that signals Ryan's passing, Hotch finally closes his eyes, two tears making their way down his cheek.

* * *

Both Spencer and Hotch are quiet on the plane on the way back. Both are thinking of the two little boys waiting for them back home.

Spencer has been hovering outside the room, listening to the conversation and like Hotch, his thoughts dwell on his adoptive son. When he was younger he'd to be strong for his mom. Growing up and joining the FBI had made him stronger, but he knew that if Henry had been in that hospital bed dying in front of him, he wouldn't have given his blessing. He would've begged the little boy to hang on, to fight, and to live. It took a lot of guts for Jimmy to tell his son it was okay to let go.

He's sitting by himself, staring out the window, when he feels someone sit next to him. "Hey." He smiles when he hears JJ's voice. He looks at her, giving her a small smile.

"You okay?" She asks, reaching up and smoothing back his hair. "You've been quiet since you and Hotch got back from the hospital."

He sighs and looks down at his lap. "Ryan was really sick and weak, but he was waiting for Jimmy to tell him it was okay to die. To let go." He looks up at her. "I was thinking that if it had been Henry who was. . . dying. . . I couldn't have done it."

Spencer feels the tears in the back of his eyes. "I couldn't tell him it was okay to die."

"Oh, baby." JJ murmurs, wrapping her arms around the love of her life and holding him to her. "Henry is okay. He's at home waiting for us and when we get back, you can see it for yourself. He's not sick, so you don't even need to think about it, okay?"

Spencer nods, resting his head against her collarbone.

"Get some sleep, honey."

He closes his eyes, breathing in the soft scent of her before allowing himself to sleep

CM

Emily sits next to Hotch, not saying anything at first. He's staring blankly at the table in front of him, his thoughts at home with his son. After a few minutes, Emily reaches out and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together. Hotch finally raises his eyes and looks at her. Neither say anything, but Hotch manages a small smile and leans over to place a soft kiss against her temple.

They never needed words.


End file.
